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Literature Text
Hidden within a cage,
where chicken wire curls in the breeze
and latches onto young flesh,
creating white rings
that mimic finger prints,
lays a secret.
Tightly bound in siblings prayers
that are whispered between the crack in a parent's door
and captured against rapidly falling chests,
begging always to remain unheard.
Shrouded with shame that is tattooed across wrists,
a collection of dates seen only as lies
and forbidden to be divulged
around late night coffee stains.
where chicken wire curls in the breeze
and latches onto young flesh,
creating white rings
that mimic finger prints,
lays a secret.
Tightly bound in siblings prayers
that are whispered between the crack in a parent's door
and captured against rapidly falling chests,
begging always to remain unheard.
Shrouded with shame that is tattooed across wrists,
a collection of dates seen only as lies
and forbidden to be divulged
around late night coffee stains.
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Not sure if this is finished, I feel it could use another stanza...
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Comments21
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Theres something a little fishy about the way the first stanza is worded, its mostly the last line, I'm not saying that poetry needs to follow grammar rules, but something doesn't quit make sense in there, I think your missing a word, other than that I like it, its jsut theres somethig wrong.
I like the imageyr in teh second stanza and I think you've chosen your words I find it a tniy bit choppy and I think it motly has to do with where your line breaks are, if there were more of them I think it would ahve a different effect and not seem so. However, when I read over it again it seemed okay so I'm not sure if its jsut me or jus that initial read.
I also feel as if this is unfinished, I'm not sure if it needs a nother stanza, but it does need something to wrap it up a little more.
From the founder of #The-Writers-Review
I like the imageyr in teh second stanza and I think you've chosen your words I find it a tniy bit choppy and I think it motly has to do with where your line breaks are, if there were more of them I think it would ahve a different effect and not seem so. However, when I read over it again it seemed okay so I'm not sure if its jsut me or jus that initial read.
I also feel as if this is unfinished, I'm not sure if it needs a nother stanza, but it does need something to wrap it up a little more.
From the founder of #The-Writers-Review